What if my counselor and I disagree?

Such things happen, of course. Either one of you—or both of you—may be at fault. Before acting in anger or disgust, and making accusations, discuss the matter calmly. You will get nowhere sounding off. Some counselees lose out in the end because they cannot see things any other way than their own way. After all, you came because you didn't have all the answers.

If, however, after calm deliberation, you cannot agree, discuss whether or not the issue is important enough to suspend counseling until it is cleared up—if it can be. Sometimes, after the short period of a week or so of prayer, Bible study and thought, you may both come to agreement. If, on the other hand, you both agree that, while the issue is important there are other tracks on which you can move forward, lay the matter aside temporarily and deal with it only after these other issues are settled. In other words, don't scuttle the boat if you can bring it ashore. If you jump overboard, you will be swimming in the deep.

If, on the other hand, the counselor draws a line in the sand about an issue, there are only two possible courses to take. After the short hiatus mentioned above, both of you are still at odds, you may find it necessary to suspend counseling. Or, if the matter is significant enough, you may need to bring it before the elders of your church for enlightenment. In the event of an impasse which no one can settle, but in which there are honest differences of opinion, you may need to call off counseling altogether. In such a case, unless the elders convince you that it is the biblical thing to do, don't go around looking for another counselor who agrees with you. Instead, still try to reach a biblical conclusion to the matter.

Imperfect counseling by imperfect persons, sometimes leads to imperfect outcomes. Recognize this and do whatever is right biblically to work out the differences.

Jay E Adams

Institute for Nouthetic Studies

100 White Meadow Ct
Simpsonville, SC 29681

(864) 399-9583




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