Drive Away?

Then, there’s the elder who, by his words and actions, has driven off the last three pastors.

It seems that he’s as actively at it in his old age as he was when he was young. Age hasn’t mellowed him; it has just provided him time to dream up new and more effective ways of doing what he does best.

Now, you come as pastor to the church. Rapidly, you discover the fact that the last two men remained as ministers of the church for only two years; the one before them leaving after two months. The word is out that elder so-and-so “drove them off.” You have a problem on your hands. Because you won’t encourage gossip, you seek no more information. Rather, you have decided to deal with any problems that may be forth-coming if and when they happen.

It isn’t long before elder S&S provides you with your first opportunity. It really isn’t important to go into the matter in any depth. The details of the issue are not important to the present discussion. What we want to focus on is the dynamics of the interchange that brought them to a head—and what occurred thereafter.

Elder S&S was opposed. The fact, in itself isn’t all that important; he was often opposed to much that the pastor and other elders wanted to do. Sometimes, the group allowed him to stifle ideas and suggestions; less often, they stood up for their views—especially when little was at stake! He’d become angered, but not hot-headed over such matters. But the issue at hand was, on the occasion in view, one in which much was at stake. The future growth of the congregation seemed to inseparably bound up in it. As pastor, you are anxious to see it happen for the welfare of all concerned—including elder S&S. Most of the seven other elders agree with your judgment. But four of them are weak and unwilling to stand for what they believe if it comes to a fight. They just “don’t have the stomach for it,” they say. Yet, they believe the project is necessary for the church’s welfare.

But old S&S doesn’t see it that way.

And, it isn’t long into the meeting before he lets everyone know it. Characteristically, he expresses his will in such a way that there could be no doubt where he stands. That’s OK. But, then, in addition, he begins to berate the pastor—you—who presented the matter to the board. Without elaborating upon the offensive manner in which he does so, what he says is, “This simply won’t happen! I’ll see to that. If a young, newly manufactured seminary product thinks he can come into this church and change things, he’ll find out differently.” All of the other elders freeze and look at you. How will you respond?

You say (calmly, but firmly), “Elder S&S, you are certainly welcome to your opinion—and I’m glad that you express it so strongly—but you are not going to get away with insulting anyone here—including me! I expect you to ask for forgiveness before we go any further. You know, I’m sure, what Paul said to Timothy: “Don’t let anybody despise your youth. . . “ (I Timothy 4:12). I have been ordained by the church of Jesus Christ—just as you have—and we must both respect that authority. I have not mentioned the fact that you are an aged elder, though that too is a fact. Indeed, I should respect your gray head, as the Scriptures indicate, and I intend to do so. Now, I’m ready to forgive you as soon as you ask for it.”

I shall not continue the scenario, although that would be of interest. The question is, will you, when faced with such an insult and challenge to your authority—as the three previous pastors did—allow the church to be run by one man who, by insults and threats, has dominated the scene so forcefully that not only pastors, but over the years, elders and members as well, have found more congenial quarters elsewhere. If you were to submit to the domination of elder S&S, you too would be out of there before you know it. It is time for someone to stand toe-to-toe and eye to eye with such a person. And that somebody is YOU.

 

One thought on “Drive Away?

  1. I once was at a one day seminar led by John Maxwell. His strategy was to strike pre-emptively: get Elder S&S supportive and “on your side” by making the first move. Perhaps a couple of front porch visits where the pastor would pick his brain and enlist his support.

    At one level, it struck me as shrewd and appropriate. Nothing wrong with giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best and picking his brain and enlisting his support.

    But it struck me, too, as manipulative. How easily this strategy substitutes for confronting Elder S&S’s sinful behavior and immediately, publicly (within context of the meeting) and firmly, asking him to ask your and your fellow elders’ forgiveness.

    Thoughts?