Most counseling cases involve more than one person. There are exceptions, of course. But they are few and far between. Even when it appears that but one individual is involved, upon further investigation, you will frequently discover that there is a mother or father, a relative or friend—or someone else—who plays an important role in the counseling problem you are considering. Because of this, it is important to understand the basic dynamic that underlies many of the interpersonal difficulties that you will encounter.

I have titled this posting “The Issue and the Relationship” because it sets forth the two essential factors that you will always have to consider when counseling more than one person. More often than not you will find that the husband and wife, parent and child, neighbor and neighbor, church member and church member, will present the principal problem in terms of the issue: “He wants to buy a boat when he knows that we simply can’t afford it!,” “He cheated me in a business deal,” This kid is incorrigible—she drinks, does drugs and plays around with any stud who comes along.”

The issue is always intriguing and tempts a counselor to focus on it at the outset. Usually, it is clearer than the relationship, so it protrudes in the initial description of things. And yet, you will learn that until you have dealt satisfactorily with the relationship, you will not be able to help counselees solve issue problems. In addition to the tempting nature of issue problems, counselees will often pressure you to handle them, sometimes protesting if you turn first to the relationship. In such circumstances, it will be necessary to explain why you are doing so (“You two are in no shape to consider the issue”). I want to suggest, therefore, that in most instances it is fatal to attempt to solve issue problems until relationship problems have been satisfactorily cleared up.

“How is that? I’m not sure that I fully get your point. If the husband and wife mentioned above would only come to a conclusion about the boat, the matter would be ended, wouldn’t it?”

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Why are we so taken up with newness? It seems that since Spencer, the philosophy of the day has been progress—regardless of where it leads. When did you ever hear anyone ask, “What’s the oldest?” or words to that effect? But why not?

Is there nothing to be learned from the past?

That’s what many “moderns,” who in no time will be looked upon as “old fashioned,” seem to think. The old is not only passé; it is defunct. History in the schools—for what it’s worth these days—is rewritten in the light of social and political movements of more recent origin. In school, as a result, children are no longer even remotely aware of what really happened in the past. But there is much to be learned from the past and, in most cases, its loss is irreparable.

This penchant for the present bleeds over into a suspicion for the Scriptures which, obviously, are old writings. And, how much it hinders people today from studying the Bible is hard to discern. Surely, there is an unwanted influence of some sort, regardless of how strong. Christians need therefore, to do all that they can to counter this nefarious influence. What can we do?

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No intelligent and dedicated Christian wants to debate the idea that we ought to be judicious about how we conduct ourselves in the planet that God has given us to inhabit and enjoy. Reasonable conservation is, of course, nothing more than good stewardship of those bounties. We applaud efforts at reforestation, preservation of Natural Wonders, and the like. But our views of the earth ought to collide with those of the environmental extremists who are more concerned about snail darters than about the livelihood of hardworking farmers whose efforts to earn a living are impeded by them. As believers, therefore, it is important for us to consider what God, Himself, has said about the matter. I want to suggest that, in passing, Paul makes an all-important statement in Colossians 2:22a that has been overlooked by many of our people. His words rest upon a world-view that simply is not shared by non-Christians. This dissimilarity in views leads to many of the differences that we find between ourselves and the environmentalists. Here are his words:

“These refer to things that are intended to be used up and perish.”

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In writing to the Thessalonians, Paul speaks of the work of faith, the labor of love, and the endurance of hope. What has he got in mind?

Elsewhere, he places these three virtues in a different order when he enumerates faith hope and love. It would seem that the last of the three is the one that he is emphasizing, the other two building up to it.

If that is so, in this letter, he is emphasizing hope. And rightly so. There was confusion in the Thessalonian church about death and the resurrection. Evidently, as the second letter clarifies, some rumor had reached them to the effect that no Christian would die before the Lord’s coming. Presumably some of their loved one had died, and this caused confusion and consternation among them. So hope was the uppermost quality they needed.

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“Well, now, what’s this all about?”

I’m glad that you asked; most people have just walked by without noticing—or, if they do, they pretend that they don’t.

“Yeah. Guess I’m just the curious type. But what is it that you’re doing?”

It’s not all that easy to explain.

“Well, give it a try.”

Sure. I’m trying to whistle out of both sides of my mouth.

“Humpf! Why?”

Because it can be done.

“How do you know?”

I have seen and heard it—and the man who was able to do it whistled in harmony! I’ll settle for doing it—you can forget the harmony.

“I don’t believe you. You’re making the whole thing up. What are you really doing with your mouth?”

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Well, this has been both a profitable exercise and a failed experiment. First, the survey results have been most instructive and we are grateful to everyone who has taken the time to respond. We will be leaving the survey up throughout the weekend so if you have not yet responded please help us out and do so. I will share some of the results next week.

Click here to take survey

The failed experiment has been opening up “comments.” You will note that we have not posted any as it seems leaving the door open has let the bugs in. I did not know spam bots were out there searching for blogs. So far I have learned where I can obtain pharmaceuticals which will make me smart, energetic, lose weight, grow hair, more virile, less sad, and even smell better. I have learned that I have won three different Irish lotteries and that there are at least seven different widows of Nigerian bankers who want to give me money. Then, of course, there are all those who have an ax to grind with Dr. Adams about psychology and their various “mental illnesses.”

So, we will leave the comments turned off and continue to provide a “feedback” link at the end of each posting. We will receive your e-mails that way without the hassle of plowing through all the spam.

Finally, it seems I had misunderstood where Jay was headed this week. I received the folllowing from him earlier today:

Cabin in the north woods?  Only wish it were so!

I’m stuck in a motel-type room studying the book of Zechariah all day long in Gatlinburg TN while Betty Jane works away for three days in painting classes. The chairs afford little better sitting comfort than an old, hard, board.  The food is abysmal (sausage biscuits are the highlight!) and there isn’t even a fridge in the room.

Don’t you believe all you read. Donn sure heard me wrongly.

But the study is coming well – in spite of everything.  And the preliminary painting I’ve seen looks good.

So,

It’s all worthwhile.

feedback@nouthetic.org

Jay and Betty Jane are taking a brief mountain cabin vacation where he will be out of internet range for a few days. While he is away refreshing his blogging pen I thought I would take the opportunity to do some data gathering and try to get a better picture of who exactly our audience is. Would you help us by investing a few minutes in our brief, ten-question survey? We will leave this page and the survey link up through the weekend.

Click here to take survey

I am also going to turn on the “comments” feature through the weekend and invite you to leave your comments about our blog, the Institute for Nouthetic Studies, and about Dr. Adams.

That’s what you hear people say. But times have changed; now all people want to talk about is politics.

It isn’t as popular, however, to talk about religion today—unless derogatorily. Frankly, I hope the era of excessive talk about politics will soon recede and men and women will once again talk about religion. There once was a time, older people told me, when, after a Dwight L. Moody campaign in Baltimore, streetcars filled with people singing hymns could be found rolling along throughout the city. It was because Moody suggested that something be done to reach sailors at the harbor of Baltimore, that Port Mission was formed—a mission at which I worked one time, evangelizing young children, and out of which we held street meetings for the populace. There was a day, then, when religion—not just any religion but the religion of Jesus Christ—was a chief matter of discussion. May such times reappear!

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Amusement! What an interesting word. It has in it the idea of thinking, considering. But then, to that idea, the Greek alpha privative is added, negating the word itself. Thus the word comes to mean to do, enjoy, something without much thought about it. An amusement park is a place where you park your mind at the gate!

Our culture is an amusement and entertainment culture. It wants to be tickled physically or otherwise. It is concerned with laughs, lounging and lethargy. And, the results are beginning to be felt. For too long, we thought we could get away with it. Now, in the current economic conditions, among other things, surely God is providentially telling us that we can’t.

Will we wake up? When a Christian regularly spends more time and money on amusements than he gives to God and His church, something is very wrong. He is out of touch.

“Out of touch? I thought to be a part of this amusement culture was to be in touch.”

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“You know that stuff you were telling me about the Dead Sea Scrolls?”

Sure, what about them?

“Well, you happened to mention the Septuagint along the way.”

Right.

“You see, I don’t know much about it either. Especially about those Roman numerals—I think you call them—they don’t teach them in school any longer.”

Hard to read old clocks then—especially if you wanted to know the time when you found yourself in a square of some old world town in Europe.

“Yeah. Well I don’t expect to be going to Europe any time soon with the cost of things in Euros as high as they are. But what about the LXX—I think you said that was the abbreviation for the Septuagint—did I get that right?”

You sure did.

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If they tell us anything, they make it clear that the critics were wrong—dead wrong.

“Now what are you talking about?”

The Dead Sea Scrolls.

“I’ve heard about them. They found them in some pots or something floating in the Dead Sea—right?”

Well, not exactly.

“No?”

No. They were up in the hills overlooking the Dead Sea in caves. And they were enclosed in earthen vessels—pottery, for sure—but dry as could be in that dry community. The only reason that they are called “Dead Sea” Scrolls is that they were in the vicinity of the Dead Sea.

“Oh. Well, I was almost right, anyway.”

The manuscripts were written on parchment for the most part. One was engraved on copper. I saw the parts of them that they had when I was studying at Johns Hopkins in the 50s. Professor W.F. Albright, who taught at Hopkins, brought them there for a brief exhibition, and some of us students were able to get up close to them. There were more scrolls that they found later on in other caves. They are now housed in Israel in a special building. The manuscripts include parts of almost the entire Old Testament, plus a variety of other writings. And what they show is that the Hebrew text that we have been using for generations is almost entirely the same. That’s amazing, since the common text is basically from the Middle Ages.

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There is an old saying that takes many forms—all which come out the same. Here’s one: “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” I’m not so sure about taxes, but when it comes to the certainty of death, that statement is dead (excuse the pun) wrong.

“How so? Seems to me that it is even more certain than taxes.”

Are you forgetting the Old Testament men who never died?

“What?”

I refer to Enoch and Elijah. God just “took” Enoch off the planet and Elijah rode into the sky in a God-sent carriage.

“Well, yeah. I had forgotten them. But it’s certain for us.”

Hmmm. Are you sure?

“Of course. Haven’t you got your burial plot picked out?”

No yet; but I probably will one of these days.

“Why do so, if death isn’t certain? Makes no sense.”

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“I’ve never been one to say that it’s another person’s fault unless I can pin it on him.”

Well, few persons will ever admit such a thing unless they are confronted with irrefutable evidence of their guilt in counseling. But, that’s precisely what they think, whether or not they put it in such terms. Blame-shifting began in the Garden. When God approached Adam following his sin, He blamed his behavior on God and His wife: “The woman You gave me, she . . .” Sounded plausible to his ears, but God didn’t buy it. Then, when God confronted the woman, she also tried to shift the responsibility for the sin: “The serpent, he . . . “ God didn’t buy that either. When God approached the serpent, he didn’t try to shift the blame—there was no one left to use as his patsy!

Now, in counseling you will find that things haven’t radically changed since the first pair of people sinned; blame-shifting is one of the principal means for attempting to escape the consequences of one’s sin. If you aren’t looking for it, when you begin to hear counselees piously explain that “it was because of so-and-so that I did it,” think “No. That’s not right. No one can make another sin; the excuse may sound plausible, but it can’t be true.” Excuses, a-plenty fly in counseling rooms. When you take one apart and look at it carefully, you will always discover that, difficult though it may have been to resist the temptation to sin, your counselee was the one who “did it.” Always remember, no one is ever forced to sin. Force may be applied by circumstances, threats, physical torture or whatever, to give in to temptation—but he alone is responsible for his sin. He did it.

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Singing hymns—can you imagine it?

“What’s wrong with that?”

Nothing; but you must admit it was unusual to say the least.

“OK. Tell me what you are talking about.”

Paul and Silas, naturally. Who else do you know about who sang hymns at Midnight, with beaten, bloody backs, when in prison?

“No one on my street, certainly.”

And not on many other streets either. It was in Philippi, the first city in Europe to which they preached the Gospel. What a greeting my ancestors—Europeans—gave them!

But everything changed when God heard their prayers and freed them.

“A few more details, please, my European ancestors didn’t mention the event.”

Kinda’ flip in your answers today, aren’t you?

“I’ll flip a coin in order to give you an answer.”

Bad! That one wasn’t even near—why not cut it out and let me make my point?

“OK. OK. Go ahead.”

Well, you see there was a slave girl who had a demonic spirit. Her masters made good money, evidently, from what she’d predict when fortune telling. Then, Paul and Silas come along and cast the demon out and—whoosh!—their source of money dries up. They were angry, and dragged the preachers to the authorities, protesting that they were teaching an illicit religion. Of course, this was simply a cover up for the fact that they were about to lose their source of income, as Luke tells us in Acts 16:19. You can read the whole story, about the jailer’s conversion and baptism, later on in that very chapter.

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In discussing problems with Christian counselees, we often find ourselves deeply involved in matters concerning the providence of God. People want to know “Why?” But it isn’t always possible to respond to that question in any specific way. If it is, fine; but that is the exception, not the rule.

So what do we say? Well, of course many different things—responses that fit each individual situation—but there are some principles (abstract as they may be) that people usually find helpful.

In referring to Paul’s imprisonment at Rome (Philippians 1) we show how God used it to convert soldiers as well as encourage others to go preach. As we open up the passage at some length, the following encouraging principles emerge:

1. God is in your problem
2. God is up to something in your problem
3. God is up to something good

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