When Counseling, Also Don’t . . .

Yesterday we published Dr. Adams’ list. Here is mine. What would you add?

  1. Minimize your counselee’s problem. It was important enough to him to seek counsel.
  2. Tell your counselee that you understand what he is going through. You probably don’t. Tell him Christ does.
  3. Use psychological labels and jargon.
  4. Debate counseling models and methods with your counselee.
  5. Give homework that does not directly relate to the problem.
  6. Delay addressing his problem thinking you must build a relationship first. Build a relationship by addressing his problem.
  7. Adjudicate disputes between two people.
  8. Overwhelm your counselee with too much homework.
  9. Let your counselee’s emotions dictate the agenda.
  10. Let other things distract you during a counseling session.
  11. Fail to laugh and enjoy a humorous moment when appropriate.
  12. Try to make a point with a long list of verses. Instead, explain carefully the one or two verses that best meet the need.
  13. Fail to take good notes during the session.
  14. Charge your counselee for the privilege of counseling with you.
  15. Commiserate with a depressed person—help him!
  16. Excuse failure to do homework.
  17. Allow someone, whose own life is out of control, control yours.
  18. Have your counselee read Scripture during the counseling session. You read it TO HIM—clearly.
  19. Yawn
  20. Fake it. If you don’t know what to do next ask the counselee to pray for you as you study the issue during the coming week.
  21. Do another pastor’s work for him. Insist that your counselee’s pastor come along to the counseling session.
  22. Become angry with an angry counselee.
  23. Pity a pitiful counselee.
  24. Think more highly of yourself than you ought.
  25. Speak in abstractions, be concrete.
  26. Assume your counselee understands the biblical principle or passage you are referring to.
  27. Let your counselee settle for relief from the immediate problem.
  28. Give up.
  29. Settle for some substitute for church discipline.
  30. Promise absolute confidentiality.
  31. Ignore or gloss over doctrinal differences.
  32. Fail to secure commitments from your counselee.
  33. Confuse repentance with regret.
  34. Monopolize the conversation. Listen!
  35. Talk about a counseling case with someone who has no reason to hear about it.
  36. Fear litigation because you have obeyed Scripture.
  37. Back down when you should stand firm.
  38. Fail to handle the Word carefully and honestly. Do your exegesis!

Buy Now!

Several weeks ago I explained what was happening with a number of Jay Adams’ book titles. Today I have an update you will want to hear. Our friends at Timeless Texts have made good progress in selling down much of their inventory but they have a significant overstock on 14 titles. That is great news for you! For a limited time they are offering an unheard of 75% discount on these books. Now is the time to buy!

One of my favorite books is The Grand Demonstration which features Jay’s careful exegesis of Romans 9 and makes clear the nature of God’s sovereign grace in lives of His people. I have given away scores of these books over the years and now I will be stocking up again. Your counselee, your bible study group, and your family need to hear the message of this book. At this price, you can order 20 copies and give them away.

Another important book included in this great deal is Winning the War Within. In recent years some confusing teaching has come forward on the subject of sanctification and it has even infected some corners of the biblical counseling movement. This book is the solution. At this great price you can buy one or two dozen and give them to counselees and others who may be confused on this important theological issue.

You should own every one of these books but let me highlight another. A Thirst for Wholeness is easily the bestselling of these 14 titles—for good reason. This is a topical study of the book of James. Countless small groups have used this book and now, yours can too at a price you will never see again.

One of the most astonishing and grievous charges leveled against Jay Adams personally, and Nouthetic counseling generally, is that it is somehow dispassionate and unconcerned with the suffering of God’s people. Those who level this charge are either uninformed and therefore careless in their accusations or they are dishonest. Jay’s book Compassionate Counseling gives lie to this canard. This is a must read book.

These books and more are now available to you at 75% off. Go to the Timeless Texts website, grab these deals now, and fill in the holes on your Jay Adams shelf. And, even more unbelievably, if you spend over $50 they will ship for free!

 

Update on Books by Jay Adams

We get calls regularly now from counselors, pastors, and students seeking to locate a place to purchase Jay’s books. I am sorry to report that a number of Jay’s books are, temporarily, out of print. Let me explain why. A number of years ago a friend of Dr. Adams, Dave Crawley, started a publishing company to publish Jay’s books. While most of Jay’s basic books are published by Zondervan, and are still available, Timeless Texts became the publisher of a significant number of titles. After Dave Crawley’s death last year his family made the decision to liquidate Timeless Texts’ inventory and seek another publisher for Jay’s books. As the inventory has become depleted many of the books have become unavailable.

Do not despair. Talks are underway with another, well established publisher, to bring most of Jay’s books back. We find ourselves, however, in a period of time during which some of Jay’s books will be out of print and unavailable. While this is a temporary situation, it will work a hardship on many who are studying biblical counseling. Let me make some suggestions.

First, go to the Timeless Texts website and see which of Jay’s books are available. If there are titles listed there that you do not have, NOW is the time to buy. Everything in stock is at least 50% off!

Second, search Amazon.com for available books but beware, do NOT buy a book for more than the original price. Some sellers have realized there are folk who so want to obtain these titles that they will pay confiscatory prices. If you do purchase from Amazon, please use this link. When you do we get a small cut.

Third, check out used book sites such as Alibris. Often you can find a used book at a good price.

Finally, if all else fails and you are a student who needs a book that is out of print to complete your studies, email me at donnarms@nouthetic.org. We may be able to help.

Please pray with us that this time of transition will be smooth and brief. If you already have most, or all, of Jay’s books I urge you to guard and treasure them. I often tell our students that 100 years from now our descendants will be reading and discussing Jay’s books in the same way that today we read and discuss Spurgeon, Calvin, Machen, and C. S. Lewis.

Have You Already Had Your Reward?

Blogs, tweets, Facebook pages, and the internet generally have changed our lives in dramatic ways. Wise believers have embraced our new technologies and have used them to promote the gospel of Jesus Christ in ways inconceivable just ten years ago. Much of what we do here at the Institute for Nouthetic Studies would be impossible without these new tools.

Some creative believers, however, have also found new and inventive ways to use the internet to dishonor both Christ and themselves. Consider our Lord’s words in the Sermon on the Mount—

Be careful not to do your righteous acts in front of people, so that you will be seen by them. Otherwise you will have no reward from your Father Who is in the heavens. Therefore, when you give to charity, don’t blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets so that they may be praised by people. Let me assure you, they have their reward.

Today, there is a growing trend to replace trumpeting with tweeting and the streets with the digital highway. Facebook and Twitter have become places for many to advertise their good works and promote their own spirituality. This past week I have read reports of how may counseling sessions a particular counselor has conducted (and how many overwhelmed pastors he has bailed out by his wisdom), how many tracts one individual has passed out, how much time one person has spent in prayer, and how many hours a pastor spent in sermon preparation for one sermon (which caused me to wonder about his sermon preparation skills). This morning I just defriended an individual who thought all his friends would appreciate knowing how much he loves the people in his church, the unique worship experience he feels only when he is with these wonderful people, and how much of this is caused by the ministry he is having there.

What about you? Do you use the internet and the many new social networking tools to communicate effectively and profitably with friends and family, or is it a means to promote your own personal piety?

Mental Illness

Folks let’s get this straight. The mind is not a physical organ. It cannot have a disease, illness, or injury in anything other than a metaphorical sense such as a sick economy or a sick joke.

Typhoid fever — disease
Spring fever — not a disease
Scarlet fever — disease
Bieber fever — not a disease

Paying the Pastor

Your Pastor is NOT going to get into this with you. He does not want to sound self-serving and he is going to trust God to provide for his needs. I believe it is a mistake many pastors make. We are commanded to teach “the whole counsel of God.” Every subject the Bible addresses should be taught by the pastor, including this one. If he does not, who will? Not many pastors have a guy like me blogging about such things. Hear what Paul says in 1 Cor. 9:7-14

Who at any time serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat the fruit of it? Or who tends a flock and does not use the milk of the flock? I am not speaking these things according to human judgment, am I? Or does not the Law also say these things? For it is written in the Law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle the ox while he is threshing.” God is not concerned about oxen, is He? Or is He speaking altogether for our sake? Yes, for our sake it was written, because the plowman ought to plow in hope, and the thresher to thresh in hope of sharing the crops. If we sowed spiritual things in you, is it too much if we reap material things from you? If others share the right over you, do we not more? Nevertheless, we did not use this right, but we endure all things so that we will cause no hindrance to the gospel of Christ. Do you not know that those who perform sacred services eat the food of the temple, and those who attend regularly to the altar have their share from the altar? So also the Lord directed those who proclaim the gospel to get their living from the gospel.

Paul’s logic is clear. Even though he had made a personal decision not to accept support from the churches in which he ministered, they still had a responsibility to support those who were to have a continuing ministry to them as their pastors.

“But Donn,” you complain, “No one thinks a pastor should not be paid. What’s your point?”

Stay with me here. I wanted to begin by establishing the basic fact that God requires us to pay our pastor. How much we should pay him is the more controversial question. Did you know the Bible answers that for us as well? No, it does not give us a dollar amount but listen to this:

The elders (pastors) who manage well should be considered worthy of double pay, especially those who are laboring at preaching and teaching.  (1 Timothy 5:17)

Paul is prescribing an attitude, not a figure. A mind-set, not a number. When it comes time to vote on a budget, and when the various committees meet to decide upon a salary package, how should they approach their decisions? Will it be “How much does our pastor need to get by?” or will it be “How generous can we afford to be?”

Paul urges you to consider your pastor to be worthy of twice the pay. No, you will probably not be able to afford to pay him double, but you should aspire to do so. Remember, your pastor will probably be one of the best educated people in your church. How many people in your church have a Master’s degree in whatever it is they do? He will have paid for his education himself. If the pastor receives a higher income than you do would you be jealous or would you be thankful?

Your pastor has many burdens, paying his bills should not be one of them. He should be paid well enough that he can purchase a home in the same kind of neighborhood you live in. He should be able to purchase a vehicle that is dependable and comfortable. He should be provided life insurance, health insurance, and a generous pension. His wife should be free to work outside the home if she desires, but she should not HAVE to work for the family to survive.

“But Donn,” you say, “we can’t pay him more than we have. All these things will bust our church budget.”

Well, I will admit I am not familiar with your church’s finances. All I am doing is pleading for a biblical mind set as you make decisions. There are many good and worthy ways a church can spend money. Of course you have to pay the utility bills, purchase insurance, and do maintenance on your buildings. But of all the other things in your budget, only one is commanded in the Scriptures—paying the pastor.

The cooperative fund, missions, convention agencies, camps, schools, and benevolence are all good and worthy things. But if a church cannot obey Christ in paying their pastor because they are supporting these other things, then ultimately, it is the pastor, not the church that is supporting them. Only one budget item is prescribed in the Word. All others come in second to that priority.

Happy Birthday!

TomorrowJay Adams, January 30, we will be honoring Dr. Adams on the occasion of his 87th birthday. We have set up a temporary email box for the occasion at jayeadams1970@gmail.com if you would like to send a word of greeting. Jay will not be able to respond to each message but each one will be an encouragement.